


fight back

by donnarafiki



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mental Illness, Promise, descriptions of violence, mention of suicidal thoughts, the ending is fluff tho, they're not graphic but still
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-31 21:03:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12690201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donnarafiki/pseuds/donnarafiki
Summary: Sometimes you can't fight back.Sometimes you don't want to fight back.Sometimes you feel like you deserve you pain.Sometimes you feel so ashamed you keep silent and try to move on.Sometimes it's all of the above.





	fight back

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't mark this as graphic descriptions of violence, because I don't describe the injuries.  
> but as you can guess from the tags there is quite some violence in this ficlet, so be warned.

The first time Draco got beaten up he was walking through hogsmeade, hurrying to reach the Hog’s Head Inn. The three broomsticks wasn’t a safe space for him and his peers anymore, despite all the promises about getting a clean slate in their eight year.

In a matter of seconds he’d been disarmed, pulled into a dark alley and beaten to pulp. The attackers smelled of booze, never spoke a word and left him without his purse but with his wand.

When the next day Pansy asked why he hadn’t showed up the previous night he just shrugged and said he wasn’t feeling very well. He never saw madame Pomfrey and tried to ban the incident from his mind as soon as he could. The things his father would call him if he knew what had happened haunted him in his dreams more than the drunken men did. The shame of not being able to defend himself despite having lived with Voldemort ate at him like acid.

* * *

 

The second time Draco got beaten up, he tried to fight back. Striking up a friendship with Harry just after Christmas had strengthened his belief that he did deserve a second chance, and that maybe his future wasn’t all that grim.

That belief faded soon after he woke up with his body in an awkward position and the imprint of a heavy boot on his face. When Pansy tried to take care of him the next morning after he’d called in sick, he hexed her and shut his curtains for almost a week.

None of the teachers questioned this. Draco suspected they were happy he was gone, because they were growing tired of all the students they had to put in detention because they kept using him as target for pranks and curses. The fact that Harry never even tried to visit did not improve anything.

For the second time in his life, Draco Malfoy was seriously contemplating killing himself.

* * *

 

The first time Draco almost got beaten up, it wasn’t his quick seeker reflexes that saved him. It was the curse Harry send flying to their heads, before giving them a lecture on forgiveness. While Harry was still talking, Draco sneaked off into the bathroom, and didn’t come out for the rest of their last train journey back to London. Somehow being saved made him feel even more like a failure than the punches would have done.

When Harry knocked on the door, asking if he was in there, Draco kept silent. He told himself it was because last time he and Harry had met in a bathroom things didn’t end well.

In truth he was terrified of the man finding out that this hadn’t been the first time people ganged up on him.

Despite his death two months before, his father’s angry words still filled his ears and fogged up his mind. He spent his last day as a Hogwarts student feeling dirty, guilty and most of all ashamed.

* * *

 

The third time Draco got beaten up, it was just after having tea with his mother in Diagon Alley to celebrate him passing his N.E.W.T.’s and graduating Hogwarts. Apparently the fact that he could still have tea with his mother while ‘good’ people had been orphaned was too offensive for some.

When he tried to reach for his wand holster on his left arm, one of the attackers stomped on it until both of them were broken. The joy of getting his diploma fanished after that, and so did his desire to stay in England. When he deemed himself fit enough to travel he got on a train to Paris, and didn’t return for a good five years.

None of his friends asked why he’d left in such a hurry. When Harry did, Draco told him the matter was personal. The boy wonder never send a reply to that owl.

* * *

 

The fourth time Draco got beaten up, surprise stopped him from trying to defend himself. Although very drunk, the people who had followed him into the apparition alley next to a parisian pub had been Hufflepuffs on holiday, usually a good crowd.

The beating wasn’t nearly as bad as some had been, but only because another pub-goer stopped the fight after just a few punches. When he recognized the man on the floor though, he left Draco to care for himself.

And Draco found he didn’t mind that much. He’d gotten pretty skilled at healing bruises and cracked ribs all on his own.

* * *

 

The fifth time Draco got beaten up, he’d been drunk himself and barely remembered a thing. The last details of the evening had been Pansy’s face, and how glad she was he’d finally decided to move back to London. He didn’t dare tell her why that was, not wanting to ruin her happy mood.

The only thing still strongly committed to his memory was the auror walking past as a recent Hogwarts graduate planted an elbow in his solar plexus. The man had watched, observed, and walked away.

When Draco came in for work the next day, as assistant for a research potion lab, his master potioneer gave him a quick once over before sending him back home for the rest of the week. When the woman pressed on the matter a month after that, he gave her the worst excuse ever and told her he’d fallen down a flight of stairs.

This time it was the knowing look she gave him that haunted his nights, instead of his father’s wrath. He’d give anything to keep the beatings a secret, even if going public would stop them.

Shame, Draco knew, was a strange emotion, and he had way too much of it.

* * *

 

The sixth time Draco got beaten up, he got in a few good punches himself and managed to escape with little injury. His potions master hadn’t asked about his injuries from before after that one time, but that year the research lab employees all went on a self defence course together in the spirit of ‘team building’.

Strictly platonically speaking, Draco thought he might be falling a little bit in love with his senior colleague. The concerned, almost motherly look she gave him the day after the fight when he came in for work was the last straw. During lunch he contacted the self defence teacher again, and signed up for his classes.

He still wasn’t sure if he deserved the beatings yes or no, but he knew his potion master didn’t deserve to worry about him like that.

* * *

 

The second time Draco almost got beaten up, it was in a brawl in a half wizard half muggle pub, with a man who couldn’t stop bothering Pansy. The man’s fist had barely touched Draco’s cheek before Draco grabbed the attacker’s wrist and smoothly pushed him on his knees, one hand pinned behind his back.

“I’d appreciate it if you stop bothering my friend over here. And by appreciate I mean I will break your shoulder if you so much as look at her again, understood?” The man understood, and left the pub with his tail between his legs.

Pansy gave him an odd look, but didn’t ask him where he’d learned that. The woman was smart enough to know without asking.

* * *

 

The third time Draco almost got beaten up, it was many years later and he was walking down a muggle street hand in hand with his fiancé. It turned out that dating Harry Potter was an even more effective way to fend off attackers than constant vigilance or a self defence course.

When muggles outside the pub they were walking past spotted their intertwined hands, one of them spat in Harry’s face. Another one tried to shove them onto the street. Things went south pretty fast after that, and with very little effort but a lot of explosive anger Draco took out both of them before they could say _filthy faggots_ a second time.

“Hurt my fiancé again and I will break both your arms.” The muggles stayed silent, and Draco walked on. When they got home that night the first thing Harry did was kiss him, and it was so gentle Draco fell all of his pent up anger melt away.

“Are you going to let me take care of you?” Harry looked up at his fiance and once again Draco was surprised at how green Harry’s eyes were. How sincere and caring, so full of love. His chest tightened as he looked into those eyes, his mind screaming _no!_

No, he shouldn’t let Harry in on all those times when he didn’t fight for himself. When he didn’t even try. When he’d been outnumbered one to thirteen. When he only healed his visible bruises, keeping the rest as a token of failure.

“I’m not hurt.” Draco murmured against Harry’s lips as he pulled the man into his arms. A pathetic attempt to avoid answering the question, but he felt like he had to try it. Sharing his pain might make it less for him, but more for Harry. And no matter what other’s might say, Draco was very loyal and very protective of his lover.

“You were.” Harry pressed a kiss on his lips. “You _are_ .” Another kiss. “Let me in Draco, please. I don’t want to be married to a closed book. I want to be married to _you_ , all of you.”

“The good, the bad and the ugly ey?” Draco pulled Harry impossibly close to his chest, keeping the man from seeing him cry just a little.

“Yes.” Draco felt Harry nod. “All of it.”

“Okay.” But Draco still wasn’t letting his fiancé see his face. “Okay.” He whispered again.

“I love you.” Harry put a warm kiss in his neck.

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope that was somewhat nice to read.
> 
> Kudos and comments are loved and cherished forever!


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